Jennifer Breheny Wallace, a parenting researcher and author of “Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It,” is trying to change the conversation around college admissions for her three children. She tries to keep the focus off getting into a “good college” and tries to limit the discussions to only one hour per week.
Where you go to college matters less than what you do there
Wallace is trying to break the myth surrounding college prestige and future success. She reminds her children that college rankings are subjective and that their future success isn’t contingent on where they go to school. She believes that attending a prestigious college doesn’t guarantee a successful future, and there are examples of happy and successful people who didn’t attend a highly-selective college. She advises parents to provide real examples of such people to their children. Wallaces suggests teaching children to get the most out of their education, no matter where they end up. She refers to a 2014 survey of 30,000 U.S. college graduates, which shows that future wellbeing primarily depends on the experiences you accrue while on campus.
How to talk about college in a healthy way
Wallace and her husband limit college-related discussions to one hour over the weekend. When they do discuss college, they try to center the conversation around the idea of mattering on campus and fitting in. This reframes the college discussion into a much less stressful exercise. They try to highlight the factors that more accurately predict future success and overall wellbeing. Wallace believes that this approach can lead to good relationships, having purposeful work, and feeling competent in those pursuits.
The importance of the college experience
Wallace emphasizes that it’s crucial to provide children with examples of successful people who didn’t attend prestigious educational institutions. Along with that, she encourages children to make the most of their college experience, which ultimately plays a significant role in their future wellbeing and success.
By emphasizing these principles and limiting the pressure surrounding college admissions, Wallace aims to relieve the growing mental health crisis among the youth in the United States. She believes that college prestige is not the secret to success and suggests parents can save their kids from unnecessary stress by deflating this myth. With her balanced and sensible approach to college admissions, Wallace is one of the many voices advocating for a healthier environment for children’s mental health.
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